23

Trying not to bother but seems like I do.

I should tell myself I did it to others as well, so what goes around comes around.

We are living in a superficial circle, anyway; you get noticed and given attention only if you are hot or cute.

If neither, please step to the back of the line no matter how pleasant your attitude is.

Most people don't give a crap about it.

The same goes here.

22

Learnt to let go again, and find excuses. There always are; I am never the all-known, so don't act like one. Remember the first date and smile =)

21

I'm jealous, slightly but I don't blame him. He's done nothing wrong at all. Just me feeling jealous for no reason. It's me who suggested it after all

Fuck me and jealousy and insecurity.

20

I care, I bloody care but I know it just doesn't matter.

Human will always go for something/someone better if given chance. After all, why not? We are an opportunistic creature, we won't let a chance slip away. I did the same as well, so I can't really hold grudge when others did the same to me.

Still, it hurts a little bit to realize that u matter less to others.

Ah well, we change. Nothing stays the same.

Be happy that the paths intersect even for awhile.

Time to  move on.

19

How gullible can someone be? The answer, apparently, is really.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel fucking lonely. I have always been alone but never lonely. Tonight is a rare exception. I miss a lot of people but I wonder how many of them remember me still.

I'm tired. I really am.

I don't know to turn to who. Somehow, it's like there's no one that I can really open myself up.

I miss the old me. The me that always be by myself only, that cares for no company and survives nonetheless. I want the old me that can go out and walk around the mall alone for hours and never feel lonely.

I still miss u, u know. I put up a strong front. I act like it doesn't matter much to me but if not because of these meds, I wonder if I would be able to sleep. I just want u to know that the past three months have been really wonderful for me. I'm happy and I wish u are as well with me.

U may have not been the first guy I fall in love with but u are definitely the first one I fall into really deep. To put it in another way, u are the first one that made me lost sleep and teary.

Right now, I just want your embrace.

18

'This too shall pass'

U had it temporarily tattooed on ur arm during our recent trip. When I saw it, I can't help but think......."Am I one of 'this' as well?"

Do u see me as another one of many things that will pass one day? One that is not here forever? Because if it does, then it explains a lot of things.

I know u are in a very bad situation right now. So I wont burden u yet but piggy, when this is over and u are bit free again, I wanna talk to u bout few things. Things that I need to let out, that we need to discuss as a couple.

Till then, I will always miss u

Love,
Bii

17

He's definitely not a guy I would chase if it was me two years ago.

He didn't hug me much, he didn't kiss me much. Sex? errrr I leave that for me alone to know but yeah, intimate moment isn't something abundant when I'm with him.

I can say that he is a guy who doesn't really need physical attention as much I do. From what I gathered, the amount of guys he met for fun after his previous breakup can be counted using just one hand while me need both hands AND feet to accommodate last year hookup. Such big difference, no?

Maybe that's why he can go by without seeing me for extended period while me get all cranky after mere one week. I admit the slut in me is still there but the only difference is that I'm suppressing it deep inside.

Maybe that's why whenever he goes physical with me no matter how small it be, I get really, really excited. The two most memorable memories so far were when he held my hand while walking back towards the car after the birthday dinner and the kiss he gave me last week in the car before dropping me at my bike. Those two encounters were really brief but it left me feeling high and ecstasy.

My only hope is that he won't find my constant peck on his cheek or pat on his head annoying.

16

I miss you, piggy.

Seeing u for few minutes last Monday didn't cure this 'craving' at all but rather it became even worse =.=

It was roughly two weeks since we last met but it felt like months. Maybe because knowing we were so close but unable to meet due to our schedule just exacerbate it.

I miss hugging u and feeling ur warmth around me. This cold, chilly night drawn me towards loneliness and emptiness.

Piggy, I want u now but I know I'm been unreasonable

So till then, remember me always

15

Do u know how much I miss u? Do u know what it feel like to be ignored by the one that u love? 

The pain stabbed through, leaving me feel numb inside. I wish I could just cry myself to sleep whenever this happened. My tear may have dried but the feeling hasn't. 

I tried to go out, have fun, talk to new people but it doesn't work. I may forget about u at that particular time but when the night comes and I'm back inside my room all alone, things back to the way it always be. Memory of u and what we used to be. 

Somehow, I miss u and ur kiddy voice terribly now monkey. 

14

my heart sank a bit...didnt know after all these while, I still cant let u go completely

shouldn't see the pic...sigh~

13

2 weeks has passed.

Telling myself it will be alright, that everything will eventually go away.

It helps me, to certain extent.

When the night came and the darkness engulfed me, sometimes I will break down and the memories flood back like it was all yesterday.

No no, I am not clinging to it. Trying to let it go but who can kill one's memory

After all, he is happy now, no longer the lonely boy he used to be.

His happiness, isn't that my wish when the candle was blown 3 months ago?

Wishing him best of luck for TOEFL test.

12

Slowly, I'm letting it go; not because I want to but because I have to. The longer I'm holding on to it, the pain will become more unbearable.

Putting on my fake smile mask to fool everyone because if i take it down.......

even though I wish we're back to normal, the reality ain't that way. for the better of me maybe or else I will never get over him.

11

I miss u.

I miss him.

I miss..............J

Don't know why I keep writing it down here. Not like it helps me to get over him but maybe just as a memory.

To remind me someday that I had once loved someone so much.

To make me remember that I too am capable of loving someone with all my heart.

There's nothing wrong with loving someone so much even though it is just one-sided. Not everything is fair in this world.

U could treat someone so well and he will still forget u but at the same time, u still just can't take your mind off him.

Sigh~

Time to talk to turtle again, tonight

10

We agreed to be friend again, without benefit. Just like how we used to be before we started be touchy touchy.

But we both know it is almost impossible. At that time, u treated me well because u had feeling for me, u had a crush on me. U didn't mind drive all the way here just for dinner with me or pick me up so that I can accompany u while u completed ur assignment.
From my side, even though I didn't have feeling yet towards u at that time, I still treated u as well as u did to me because I finally found someone that I felt like could become a good friend. I miss having one after I lost so many.

But now, u lost that feeling. So tell me, what do u see me as now? My guess is I become just another normal friend; neither close nor good. U started see me as a crush. When u got to fall back, the only available option was just normal friend.
Me...I see u as good friend from beginning til now. So whether the feeling goes away or not, it won't change anything.

After all, when someone who tried to squeeze between his busy schedule to update u on his well-being become someone who find u after he has settled his daily chores, doesn't that tell u everything already?

Just another friend...beggar cant be picky

9

I never expect there will come a day that I miss someone so much that I'm crying.

I miss u, J

8

Now I understand what it feels to love someone so deep that it hurts

7

I feel lonely.

A terrible feeling.

Ever since I knew u, I never felt this way till now.

Don't know how to put it down in word but I want u back.

Back the way we used to

6

well well welll.........

After two incidents; one made me felt embarrassed, another made me felt insulted, I seriously need to rethink again.

When u tried to hold someone's hand and he didn't reciprocate, won't u feel like burying yourself 6" under? The embarrassment, as if all these while only u that were all over him.

Used to hug him every single time before we departed, even on broad daylight. One time, just one time he made joke about it and I felt so insulted. I knew it was just a joke but I can't help myself to feel this way.

No more.

It's no one fault. But I will be selfish.

Until I can calm myself down, we won't be close friend-with-benefit, just close friend.

Still.........I miss your touch

5

shit, damn fucking heart.

He's not mine to begin with, why must u be jealous when he went out with other guy

I really hate this kind of feeling, this jealousy.

U lost him and no matter what been said, deep inside I know there is zero chance anymore

4

There's no helping that people change when they love someone.

I do.

I changed, I compromised....on things that I won't on others

When u said u hate it, I apologized even though it's not what I believe in.

But then, maybe there's no excuse to what I did.

When I saw that u were still online after u said goodnight to me, it could only mean one thing.....