19

How gullible can someone be? The answer, apparently, is really.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel fucking lonely. I have always been alone but never lonely. Tonight is a rare exception. I miss a lot of people but I wonder how many of them remember me still.

I'm tired. I really am.

I don't know to turn to who. Somehow, it's like there's no one that I can really open myself up.

I miss the old me. The me that always be by myself only, that cares for no company and survives nonetheless. I want the old me that can go out and walk around the mall alone for hours and never feel lonely.

I still miss u, u know. I put up a strong front. I act like it doesn't matter much to me but if not because of these meds, I wonder if I would be able to sleep. I just want u to know that the past three months have been really wonderful for me. I'm happy and I wish u are as well with me.

U may have not been the first guy I fall in love with but u are definitely the first one I fall into really deep. To put it in another way, u are the first one that made me lost sleep and teary.

Right now, I just want your embrace.

18

'This too shall pass'

U had it temporarily tattooed on ur arm during our recent trip. When I saw it, I can't help but think......."Am I one of 'this' as well?"

Do u see me as another one of many things that will pass one day? One that is not here forever? Because if it does, then it explains a lot of things.

I know u are in a very bad situation right now. So I wont burden u yet but piggy, when this is over and u are bit free again, I wanna talk to u bout few things. Things that I need to let out, that we need to discuss as a couple.

Till then, I will always miss u

Love,
Bii

17

He's definitely not a guy I would chase if it was me two years ago.

He didn't hug me much, he didn't kiss me much. Sex? errrr I leave that for me alone to know but yeah, intimate moment isn't something abundant when I'm with him.

I can say that he is a guy who doesn't really need physical attention as much I do. From what I gathered, the amount of guys he met for fun after his previous breakup can be counted using just one hand while me need both hands AND feet to accommodate last year hookup. Such big difference, no?

Maybe that's why he can go by without seeing me for extended period while me get all cranky after mere one week. I admit the slut in me is still there but the only difference is that I'm suppressing it deep inside.

Maybe that's why whenever he goes physical with me no matter how small it be, I get really, really excited. The two most memorable memories so far were when he held my hand while walking back towards the car after the birthday dinner and the kiss he gave me last week in the car before dropping me at my bike. Those two encounters were really brief but it left me feeling high and ecstasy.

My only hope is that he won't find my constant peck on his cheek or pat on his head annoying.

16

I miss you, piggy.

Seeing u for few minutes last Monday didn't cure this 'craving' at all but rather it became even worse =.=

It was roughly two weeks since we last met but it felt like months. Maybe because knowing we were so close but unable to meet due to our schedule just exacerbate it.

I miss hugging u and feeling ur warmth around me. This cold, chilly night drawn me towards loneliness and emptiness.

Piggy, I want u now but I know I'm been unreasonable

So till then, remember me always