15

Do u know how much I miss u? Do u know what it feel like to be ignored by the one that u love? 

The pain stabbed through, leaving me feel numb inside. I wish I could just cry myself to sleep whenever this happened. My tear may have dried but the feeling hasn't. 

I tried to go out, have fun, talk to new people but it doesn't work. I may forget about u at that particular time but when the night comes and I'm back inside my room all alone, things back to the way it always be. Memory of u and what we used to be. 

Somehow, I miss u and ur kiddy voice terribly now monkey. 

14

my heart sank a bit...didnt know after all these while, I still cant let u go completely

shouldn't see the pic...sigh~

13

2 weeks has passed.

Telling myself it will be alright, that everything will eventually go away.

It helps me, to certain extent.

When the night came and the darkness engulfed me, sometimes I will break down and the memories flood back like it was all yesterday.

No no, I am not clinging to it. Trying to let it go but who can kill one's memory

After all, he is happy now, no longer the lonely boy he used to be.

His happiness, isn't that my wish when the candle was blown 3 months ago?

Wishing him best of luck for TOEFL test.

12

Slowly, I'm letting it go; not because I want to but because I have to. The longer I'm holding on to it, the pain will become more unbearable.

Putting on my fake smile mask to fool everyone because if i take it down.......

even though I wish we're back to normal, the reality ain't that way. for the better of me maybe or else I will never get over him.

11

I miss u.

I miss him.

I miss..............J

Don't know why I keep writing it down here. Not like it helps me to get over him but maybe just as a memory.

To remind me someday that I had once loved someone so much.

To make me remember that I too am capable of loving someone with all my heart.

There's nothing wrong with loving someone so much even though it is just one-sided. Not everything is fair in this world.

U could treat someone so well and he will still forget u but at the same time, u still just can't take your mind off him.

Sigh~

Time to talk to turtle again, tonight

10

We agreed to be friend again, without benefit. Just like how we used to be before we started be touchy touchy.

But we both know it is almost impossible. At that time, u treated me well because u had feeling for me, u had a crush on me. U didn't mind drive all the way here just for dinner with me or pick me up so that I can accompany u while u completed ur assignment.
From my side, even though I didn't have feeling yet towards u at that time, I still treated u as well as u did to me because I finally found someone that I felt like could become a good friend. I miss having one after I lost so many.

But now, u lost that feeling. So tell me, what do u see me as now? My guess is I become just another normal friend; neither close nor good. U started see me as a crush. When u got to fall back, the only available option was just normal friend.
Me...I see u as good friend from beginning til now. So whether the feeling goes away or not, it won't change anything.

After all, when someone who tried to squeeze between his busy schedule to update u on his well-being become someone who find u after he has settled his daily chores, doesn't that tell u everything already?

Just another friend...beggar cant be picky

9

I never expect there will come a day that I miss someone so much that I'm crying.

I miss u, J

8

Now I understand what it feels to love someone so deep that it hurts

7

I feel lonely.

A terrible feeling.

Ever since I knew u, I never felt this way till now.

Don't know how to put it down in word but I want u back.

Back the way we used to

6

well well welll.........

After two incidents; one made me felt embarrassed, another made me felt insulted, I seriously need to rethink again.

When u tried to hold someone's hand and he didn't reciprocate, won't u feel like burying yourself 6" under? The embarrassment, as if all these while only u that were all over him.

Used to hug him every single time before we departed, even on broad daylight. One time, just one time he made joke about it and I felt so insulted. I knew it was just a joke but I can't help myself to feel this way.

No more.

It's no one fault. But I will be selfish.

Until I can calm myself down, we won't be close friend-with-benefit, just close friend.

Still.........I miss your touch

5

shit, damn fucking heart.

He's not mine to begin with, why must u be jealous when he went out with other guy

I really hate this kind of feeling, this jealousy.

U lost him and no matter what been said, deep inside I know there is zero chance anymore

4

There's no helping that people change when they love someone.

I do.

I changed, I compromised....on things that I won't on others

When u said u hate it, I apologized even though it's not what I believe in.

But then, maybe there's no excuse to what I did.

When I saw that u were still online after u said goodnight to me, it could only mean one thing.....

3

I should.........nah, MUST stop make a fool of myself.
It has been a one-sided thing for quite a long time already, only me refused to accept it and kept viewing it the way I wanted it to be.

Months passed.
The 1st month I gave the benefit of doubt, out of shyness with a new one out of sudden.
Took the initiative every time just to prove that it's okay, that I am open to it.

But when it continued without any progress from the other, well....it may be time to evaluate the situation again.

Maybe all these while, it was done just out of courtesy, just to reciprocate because I have done it, not from own desire. How stupid I have look like if it is really that way. How desperate it must seem to me.

I'll stop. I'll wait. but the flame is dwindling off and sooner or later, it may go off forever.

2

oh heart, please make a decision

Are u ready to commit or not?

Do u really love him or not?

Stop sway here and there.

As much I want a relationship, I don't want to break someone's heart if I actually don't love him.

Stupid heart, I give u time till tomorrow only. If not, I'm gonna set him free

1

When I knew u no longer have feeling for me, my heart died.

Then it struck me, why I even feel that way?

Little did I realized, all these while, u matter more to me than anyone else.

Just like the cliche we all been repeating about, u won't know until u lose it

U said maybe the feeling has not gone yet, that it can be rekindle

but second chance won't be the same as the first one.

The two nights we ended with arguing

I slept with tears in my heart

I wanna cry it out but I can't

Hug turtle to sleep

put it close to my shoulder

imagining it was u